Friday, May 15, 2009

Six married men will be dropped on an island

with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.
Each kid will play two sports

and either take music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids;

keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework,

and complete science projects, cook,

do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives,

and send cards out on time--no emailing.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment,

a dentist appointment

and a haircut appointment.

He must make one unscheduled

and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care.

He must also make cookies or

cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house,

planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television

when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs,

wear makeup daily,

adorn himself with jewelry,

wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes,

keep fingernails polished

and eyebrows groomed.

During one of the six weeks,

the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps,

back aches, and have extreme,

unexplained mood swings

but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings,

church, and find time at least

once to spend the afternoon at the park

or a similar setting.

They will need to read a book to the kids

each night and in the morning,

feed them, dress them,

brush their teeth

and comb their hair by 7:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the s ix weeks,

and each father will be required to know

all of the following information:

each child's birthday,

height, weight,

shoe size,

clothes size and

doctor's name.

Also the child's weight at birth,

length, time of birth, and length of labor,

each child's favorite color, middle name,

favorite snack, favorite song,

favorite drink, favorite toy,

biggest fear and what they

want to be when they grow up.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance.

The last man wins only if...

he still has enough energy to be intimate

with his spouse at a moment's notice.

If the last man does win,

he can play the game over and over

and over again for the next 18-25 years

eventually earning the right

To be called Mother!

After you get done laughing,

send this to as many females as

you think will get a kick out of it and

as many men as you think can handle it.

Just don't send it back to me.... I'm going to bed.

Shared with you from another mother!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009
The Kohl's Shopping Trip
(recieved this in an email this morning - thought I would share)

Clutching their Kohl's Department Store shopping bags, Ellen and Kay woefully gazed down at a dead cat in the mall parking lot. Obviously a recent hit -- no flies, no smell.

"What business could that poor kitty have had here?" murmured Ellen. "Come on, Ellen, let's just go...."

But Ellen had already grabbed her shopping bag and was explaining, "I'll just put my things in your bag, and then I'll use this tissue paper." She dumped her purchases into Kay's bag and then used the tissue paper to cradle and lower the former feline into her own Kohl's bag and cover it.

They continued the short trek to the car in silence, stashing their goods in the trunk. But it occurred to both of them that if they left Ellen's burial bag in the trunk, warmed by the Texas sunshine while they ate, Kay's Lumina would soon lose that new-car smell. They decided to leave the bag on top of the trunk, and they headed over to K & W Cafeteria.
After they went through the serving line and they sat down at a window table.

They had a view of Kay's Chevy with the Kohl's bag still on the trunk. BUT not for long!

As they ate, they noticed a woman in a red gingham shirt stroll by their car. She looked quickly this way and that, and then took the Kohl's bag without breaking stride. She quickly walked out of their line of vision. Kay and Ellen shot each other a wide-eyed look of amazement. It all happened so fast that neither of them could think how to respond. "Can you imagine?" finally sputtered Ellen. "The nerve of that woman!" Kay sympathized with Ellen, but inwardly a laugh was building as she thought about the grand surprise awaiting the female thief. Just when she thought she'd have to giggle into her napkin, she noticed Ellen's eyes freeze in the direction of the serving line. Following her gaze, Kay recognized the woman in the red gingham shirt with the Kohl's bag hanging from her arm. She was brazenly pushing her tray toward the cashier.
Helplessly they watched the scene unfold: After leaving the register, the woman settled at a table across from theirs, put the bag on an empty chair and began to eat. After a few bites of baked whitefish and green beans, she casually lifted the bag into her lap to survey her treasure. Looking from side to side, but not far enough to notice her rapt audience three tables over, she pulled out the tissue paper and peered into the bag. Her eyes widened, and she began to make a sort of gasping noise. The noise grew. The bag slid from her lap as she sank to the floor, wheezing and clutching her upper chest. The beverage cart attendant quickly recognized a customer in trouble and sent the busboy to call 911 while she administered the Heimlich maneuver.
A crowd quickly gathered that did not include Ellen and Kay, who remained riveted to their chairs for seven whole minutes until the ambulance arrived. In a matter of minutes, the woman with the red gingham shirt emerged from the crowd, still gasping, and securely strapped on a gurney. Two well-trained EMS volunteers steered her to the waiting ambulance, while a third scooped up her belongings. The last they saw of the distressed cat-burglar was as she disappeared behind the ambulance doors -- the Kohl's bag perched on her stomach!
God does take care of those who do bad things! (AND once in a while He allows us to witness it!)